


Never Enough Time

by Meluna_01



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Afterlife, Character Death, Childhood Memories, First Love, Friendship, Lost Love, Love, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-04-30 18:21:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14502807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meluna_01/pseuds/Meluna_01
Summary: SPOILERS FOR THE AVENGERS INFINITY WARBucky is fading, he feels it. He has to tell Steve... but there is so little time. How can he tell Steve if there is so little time?





	Never Enough Time

“Steve…” the word had barely passed his lips when something broke inside him. It shattered into a million pieces, killing him from the inside out. He knew that was it, he knew he was out of time.  
No one ever had enough time.  
He took a breath and a tear threatened to fall. It didn’t hurt however, not as much as he expected at least. It felt like falling, like losing his balance. It didn’t scare him. He had never been scared to die. His lungs were deprived of air and he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t speak. His grip on the gun loosened and it fell to the floor, the thud of the metal echoing through space. And there, just before he would leave, he saw him. he saw Steve. The man he loved, the man that was looking at him, shocked beyond words. Suddenly there was the pain he had been expecting. It hurt so much more than he ever could imagine. He clawed for breath and he tried to steady himself. But he was already starting to fade away. Everything seemed to go so slow and all he could do was look at his friend. He was trying to map out every detail of him, every inch of his body. The blue of his eyes, that he had studied without breath for so- too many times. The curve of his lips, that he had stared at for longer than he cared to admit. His blond hair, that he had ruffled when they were young, oh god how Bucky wished they were young again. Young and free. A thirteen year old boy, finding a skinny blond boy in an ally, surrounded by bullies. But this was it, he couldn’t go back now. This was it. The pain of his breaking heart was endlessly worse than anything he experienced before, ripping his chest apart and exposing the fragile core of his being. He tried to reach, tried to scream tried to run and fight and breathe. His body was leaving him, he was going, he had to go. It was as if he was pulled back by millions of strings, attached to his nerves, pulling him further and further away from Steve. Beautiful, naïve, irreplaceable, Steve. Bucky was clinging to his image, not ready to let go of reality, of him. Not capable of letting go, not willing. He held on to the image of his friend and closed his eyes, praying for the pain to go away.  
Then it ended, suddenly, without warning.  
Bucky was pulled from reality, from Steve. Pulled into the dark. A million floating pieces of him scattered in a seemingly endless space where nothing excited except for him, him and his memories.  
after what felt like a lifetime of uncertainty the world around him took shape. His feet were on solid ground and he could breathe again. He stood in an empty room, a room that was vaguely familiar. Things around him started to form and he saw an old bed and a table with two chairs, a tiny kitchen and two doors and a window. The walls were a dirty brownish color and everything inside was old and worn. Someone was sitting on the tiny bed, but it was hard to see in the dim light. When Bucky stepped closed the person he turned and smiled at him, Bucky could recognize that smile everywhere, Steve, his Steve, his friend. Steve who was still the skinny kid from Brooklyn who never refused a fight.  
“Buck, are you okay?” he asked with an easy smile. Bucky could see his hands and took a breath, his knuckles were bleeding and bruised.  
Bucky opened his mouth when Steve raised an eyebrow, “Yeah, I’ll get you some ice,” he turned, hesitantly, not wanting Steve to disappear again.  
“Get me a beer as well,” Steve said as the older man opened the tiny freezer.  
“Yes, sir,” Bucky pulled a bag of peas from the freezer and took two beers from the fridge. He sat down next to Steve and set the beers on the ground. “let me have a look at that,” he held out a hand.  
The blond carefully placed his hand in Bucky’s. “I’ve had worse,” he laughed and Bucky couldn't help but smile at him. His gaze lingers just a bit too long and Steve creases his forehead, “What?” Bucky shakes his head, “Buck, come on, what’s up?” Steve encourages him.  
Bucky’s grip on Steve’s hand tightens, if only a little, he looks down and shakes his head, carefully placing the bag of peas on his hand.  
Steve’s smile fades and Bucky couldn't bear to see him sad, “Steve, I’m gone. I died.”  
He locks eyes with Steve and the younger boy nods, “I know,” the older man is memorising all the lines on his face. Carefully constructing a map of Steve.  
Bucky looks away and takes another breath. “Stevie…”  
Steve carefully places his free hand on his arm, “Don’t, I know, I know,” Bucky is suddenly aware of how close they are, how Steve is close enough to hear his breathing. How the mere inches are not remotely close enough They were quiet for a while.  
Bucky looked down at his shoes and pursed his lips. He forced himself to breathe normally. When he looked up he saw Steve’s lovely smile and he was sure he was going to cry. “Stevie, I,” he steadied himself, “I never-- I didn’t tell you,” he had to look away, “I wanted to, but there was no time, no time.”  
He closed his eyes and then looked back at the boy next to him. The boy raised his bony hand from his shoulder and placed it on Bucky’s cheek. Bucky leaned in to his touch. “What didn’t you tell me Buck?”  
He scoffed and shifted on the mattress, laughing uncomfortably. “I know why I’m here, of all places, of all memories.” He ran his hand over the fabric of the blanket that covered the bed. Remembering when he first sat there. “This is where I first realised I loved you,” he looked up, not expecting Steve’s bright smile. “I never told you that, I never told you that I loved- love you, Stevie.”  
“That’s okay,” Steve spoke softly.  
Bucky had too look away, “I felt it, I knew I was dying, I just needed more time. I needed to, I- I needed to…” he clawed for breath and felt the tears behind his eyes. “I had to tell you, before it was too late, but I couldn’t,”  
“I knew,” Bucky looked up and Steve was older, bigger, dressed differently, “I knew Bucky, I always did.”  
“Stevie…”  
“I loved you till the end of the Line and beyond,”


End file.
